USA Donuts

USA Donuts

It was only a matter of time before a Cambodian returned from the USA with a head full of dreams and belly full of deep-fried rings o’ lard. With the opening of USA Donuts, the Californian-Cambodian cruller csardom has spread its greasy wings back to the homeland.

The insides of the store are literally identical to your average American Mom-and-Pop donut shop: wide selection of donuts behind plexiglass counter, cheap furniture, terrible coffee waiting tepidly in vacuum flasks on the counter. Unlike your average USA lard ring vendor, you can buy a taro-flavoured thickshake as well as a variety of other American junk foods. They serve fried chicken, but no sign yet of the elusive chicken and waffles.

After a small amount of confusion as to which of the seven women behind the counter worked there, I ordered one of the plain yeast rings, a chocolate-iced cake donut and a cup of their coffee from the vacuum flask dispenser (2500 riel). Of the three blends of coffee, I went for “Cambodian” flavour and to my surprise, it didn’t taste like either kroueng or prahok. Neither donut was too lardy and if you happened to catch the yeast ring coming fresh from the oven, it would be a fairly close match to Krispy Kreme’s Original Glazed.

USA Donuts

For those of you rendered incapable of leaving your abode, USA Donuts will deliver by the dozen in the Phnom Penh area.

Location:No.15, St 136, Phnom Penh

Khmer: The National Alcohol Beverage

Khmer Beer

Brewer: Some guys out in Daun Mann

As I opened this bottle of cold Khmer, I was reminded of an edition of the blog Steve, Don’t Eat It!. Not content with eating corn smut or the original Steve Urkel breakfast cereal ten years past its use-by date, Steve decides to brew his own prison wine (or ‘pruno’ in the American prison vernacular). He refers to the Jim Hogshire 1994 classic ‘You Are Going To Prison’:

One of the problems you have right away with making wine in prison is the difficulty getting yeast. It’s a strictly forbidden item and you might not be able to get any. In this case you can improvise the by using slices of bread, preferably moldy (but not dry) and preferably inside a sock for easier straining.”

The initial aroma wafting from my Khmer smelled as if it had been created with moldy bread strained through a sock. A sock that Satan himself had been wearing on a particularly loathsome day in the sulphur mines. The rotten egg notes continue through to the flavour, where they seem to cut through the mouth-puckering sourness and overwhelm anything else in this beverage. The brew has a slight natural effervescence which only serves to make things worse. Alcohol by volume was listed as 4.5%, so there wasn’t much hopes that a few swift gulps could anaesthetise my tastebuds into submission.

There are at least one hundred uses for the ubiquitous sugar palm tree in Cambodia and this is the very worst.

If this beverage was jailed, it would be for: Grand Theft Hydrogen Sulfide

Availability: Bottle only, in drink stores.

See also: Taipei Times interviews the Khmer beer manufacturers.

The Russian Market (Psar Toul Tom Poung)

Assigned its Soviet moniker due to its proclivity for stocking Moscow’s goods during the Cold War, all manner of pirated wares and locally made trinkets now replace Communist comestibles at this crowded, ramshackle bazaar. Instead of being housed in a single building, the Russian Market has mostly grown by a process of agglomeration whereby individual store holders piece together their patch of real estate with sheets of corrugated iron, cut-rate cement, and hubris. The result is mayhem but there is some semblance of organisation thanks to the Khmer tradition of grouping like businesses together.

Psar Toul Tom Poung

The northeast corner is full of Daelim and Honda motorcycle parts and tools, the northern outside edge is fruit (both imported and local), and the northern central section contains meat, veggies and dried foods. There is a band of small fast food vendors through the centre on the western side. Slender alleys of pirated clothes and shoes are on the eastern side and run all the way to the southern end, with a centre section full of cheap tailors. The southernmost edge is pirated DVDs/CDs, software, and tourist t-shirts. The southwest corner is carved paraphernalia and stoneware. Nestled amongst these spontaneous provinces, you’ll also find practically everything else that you’ll want to ship home from Cambodia: crockery, lamps, handbags, silks, jewelry, photocopied books, Buddhist kitsch at prices lower than practically everywhere in Asia.

Prahok and dried fish at Russian Market

As a food destination and much like the above photo, Russian Market is a mixed bag. Thanks to the low zinc-coated ceiling, the dull oppressive heat is your inescapable shopping companion and due to this, the standard of fresh fruit and vegetables is passable if you arrive in the morning and slowly degrades as the day progresses.

The meats of wrath
This little piggy went to market.

Fresh fish at Russian Market, Phnom Penh

For fresh meat and seafood, the produce is generally not of the same quality as the larger Central Market and very little of it is kept on ice. You’ll occasionally be able to cut a good deal for prawns (bawngkia) on ice, live langoustine (bawngkang) or mudcrabs (kdaam) simply because the demand isn’t as high at the Russian Market as it is elsewhere.

Prahok and dried small fish at Russian Market, Phnom Penh

If you’re easily overwhelmed by the smell of fermented and dried aquatic life, then this is not the place for you.

The central group of fast food stalls seems to be the only area where there is a common roof, now stained jet black from years of cooking oil smoke and charcoal fire. By Western standards of hygiene, it looks unreservedly grim, especially as the decaying cooking detritus builds to an olfactory crescendo of putrefaction shortly after lunch. There are a handful of great Khmer meals to be had here that are hard to find in Phnom Penh’s restaurants, a few of which I’ve only ever seen cooked on a mobile cart. One of these is the Khmer version of the Vietnamese pancake, Banh Xeo.

Num Banh Xeo at Russian Market

This banh xeo (2500 riel, US$0.62) was at least a foot long and had enough lettuce, fishwort (chee poel trei) and Vietnamese coriander (chee krassang) to sustain a large warren of rabbits. The egg and rice flour crepe had an almost perfectly crispy, wok-tainted skin and was packed solid with cooked ground pork, whole small-ish prawns and bean shoots. While I had a tough time eating the whole thing, a tiny Khmer woman seated next to me managed to inhale two in quick succession, in a trick akin to stuffing twenty clowns into a comedy Volkswagen. I wanted to ask her if there was anything up her sleeves, but my Khmer just doesn’t stretch that far.

Location:The Russian Market, Cnr St. 155 and St.444, Phnom Penh

Pacharan does Ho Chi Minh

According to the latest FCC Cambodia propaganda, FCC will be spreading their tapas tentacles Saigon-wards with a new Pacharan restaurant in District 1 at 97 Hai Ba Trung. It will be interesting to see if they can clone the success that they’re having in Cambodia in a much tougher and more discerning restaurant market. No firm opening dates as yet.

Previously on Phnomenon: Pacharan review

Take your stinking paws off my stout, you damned dirty ape!

New to the Cambodian blog scene, Details are Sketchy reprints the Cambodia Daily’s monkey o’ the day scoop: jealous ape hooked on stout.

Forestry officials will investigate reports that customers at a Battambang province restaurant have been plying a pet monkey with multiple cans of ABC Stout after it developed a taste for the eight-percent alcoholic drink, an official said Wednesday.

Three-year-old Mira recently started drinking at least three cans of stout per day, apparently to cope with jealously caused by waitresses pretending to flirt with male customers, according to Rath Sorphea, owner of Sorphea Restaurant in Battambang district.

Too much monkey-related news is never enough.

Previously on Phnomenon: ABC Stout

Banteay Meanchey Noodle Crisis

From the American ABC, via Associated Press:

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia Jun 26, 2006 (AP)— Thirty Cambodians suffered food poisoning after eating homemade noodles contaminated with chewing tobacco that had dropped into the batter from the cook’s mouth, police said Monday.

The victims, mostly children, began vomiting after eating noodle soup for breakfast Friday in a village in Banteay Meanchey province, about 190 miles northwest of the capital, Phnom Penh, said Deputy District Police Chief Yort Ray.

An investigation turned up traces of chewing tobacco in the noodles and led police to 39-year-old wholesale noodle vendor Sieng Seng, who had supplied the shops where people got sick.

Sieng Sang, an avid tobacco chewer like many poor Cambodian women, said she had not realized a wad had dropped into the flour as she was talking.

Firstly, it is nice to see that the Cambodian police force is cracking down on the spate of noodle crime in Cambodia’s wild Northwest, instead of those minor problems of grave-looting, land-grabbing or logging Cambodia bare.

Secondly, despite being widely republished, I have my doubts that this news is entirely accurate. Although I could confirm this morning that Yorth Ray is actually a police chief in the Northwestern province of Banteay Meanchey, I couldn’t confirm whether he attended the poisoning or delivered the impromptu lecture on sanitary food preparation mentioned later in the article. Who tracks food poisonings in remote Banteay Meanchey? Did all thirty people attend the district hospital or is the number of vomiters pure hearsay? How much tobacco do you need to ingest to be sickened? Is it less than one thirtieth of a mouthful? If anyone can answer these questions with certainty, I’d be keen to know.

Although the chewing tobacco factor lends the article an edge, it does leave me wondering why this Cambodian case was widely reprinted from Associated Press when other mass food poisonings in the region (e.g. 100 tourists in Vietnam last week , 2300 schoolkids in South Korea the week before) received so much less interest in the West.

Vegetarian noodles at Psar Orussei

Psar Orussei is the market where you can find all of the crap that you can’t find at any other market in Cambodia. My first impression of the place was that it was extremely handy if you lived in Phnom Penh, but nigh on useless if you were just passing through. Partly, this was because I had never arrived there at seven in the morning for both breakfast and to find cardboard boxes with a vegetarian.

I hold the strong belief that vegetarians are nuts. If the Gods had wanted us to eat only vegetables, they would have sent forth a bacon tree and possibly a steak bush to keep the halal and kosher folk prostrate in veneration for Them as well. Thankfully for vegetarians, a very small handful of Cambodians are pro-herbivore and much less on the militant carnivore jihad than I am. Let it be known that I tolerate vegetarians, if only to convert them to my true faith.

At 7am, the central food vendor section of Psar Orussei is buzzing with locals looking for their morning noodle or pork and rice injection. The vegetarian specialists were easy to find: they all have “VEGETA RIAN” or variants thereof plastered across the front of their stalls. After much conferring, Stall 177 was deemed the pick of the anti-meat vendors. I opted for the rice noodle soup (khtieav).

Noodles at Psar Orussei

If I happened to be shipwrecked on a vegetarian island, after I had eaten my comrades and my stock of human jerky began to dwindle, wheat gluten would become my favourite meat analogue. In my soup, you will notice two distinct forms of gluten, fecklessly pretending to be meat. A few rubbery mushroom balls, lettuce, spring onions, and a single slice of carrot provide some more flotsam in the thin vegetable stock. Proportionally, there was an excellent ratio of rice noodle to flotsam. My vegetarian friend heartily approves.

Coffee at Psar Orussei

One third condensed milk, two-thirds coffee: from zero to toothless crone in a single glass.

Vegetarian khtieav and a cup of coffee (2500 riel, US$0.62)

Location: Stall 177, ground floor, Psar O’Russei, Phnom Penh

Chinese Noodles Restaurant

Noodle Goodness at Chinese Noodles Phnom Penh

Cambodian restaurants tend to have a deconstructive approach to their kitchen design. More often than not barbecuing is seperated from the rest of the cooking to keep the smoke at bay, but occasionally there is a tendency to knock it up a notch, and say, wash your dishes in a neighbouring house or cook a single component of your meals off-site at an undisclosed location.

Chinese Noodles have caught on to this postmodern wave. The customer needs to dodge past the noodlemaster (above) and the boiling pots of stock at the front of house to enter, and if they happen to order fried noodles, the fresh noodles from the front are transported to somewhere at the back of the restaurant to get the full wok treatment. Dumplings and tea seems to arrive from all directions.

The restaurant seats about thirty in rickety, lurid red steel chairs. Each table is bedecked in the classic “tablecloth under glass” and has no less than eight plastic bottles of light soy sauce, possibly so that each member of your table can wield a bottle in each fist. The place is always packed at lunchtime, so between 12 and 2pm expect that you may only be able to secure yourself a single bottle with which to defend yourself.

I arrived around 1:30 and was guided to the only spare seat in the house. I shared my table with two Central American guys who loudly compared Uruguayan and Argentinian women in Spanish, and a lone but chatty Chinese man who was amazed at my dexterity with the chopsticks and was somehow responsible for ensuring that a large number of Cambodia’s garment factories never run short of power. For someone that had spent the last ten years in Phnom Penh taunting the fickle Cambodian gods of electricity, he was a remarkably jovial fellow.

The menu has not more than 12 items, eight of which are noodle (fried or soup), a choice of fried or steamed pork and chive dumplings, and the mystery items: “mixed stewed meats” and “pure stewed meats”. All are between one and two dollars, except for the stewed meats which will set you back at least three dollars.

Noodle Goodness

While I was taking shots of the fried pork and chive dumplings ($1, above), my digital camera gave up the ghost. Count this as the first review where the main event, Noodle Soup with Pork ($1), is photographically absent.

The stock in the noodle soup was much less complex than Vietnamese pho, but sweet with plenty of porkfat and MSG umami-punch. The greenery component consists of wilted lettuce, already added to the soup. Lettuce should not be a soup ingredient, and once it is in there, is remarkably difficult to avoid eating. The noodles were spot on: perfectly textured, inconsistently shaped but as fresh as a mountain stream; as were the slices of pork: thick, fatty, and almost too rich for lunch. Iced tea was complimentary.

Location:On Monivong near the corner of St. 278

Food Map: Phnom Penh

Within the last two days, Google updated their satellite map of Phnom Penh. While I have so far resisted the urge to take a look at the helicopter pad in Hun Sen’s backyard, I’m not going to miss the opportunity to start mapping out all of the locations of where I fill my belly in Asia’s least-hyped food destination.

I present to you the Food Map: Phnom Penh.

The contents are a little anorexic for a food map, but I’ll try and add most of my back catalogue to it by the weekend. Enjoy.